Hello Wealth Tablers -
Have you ever considered how shame may impact your financial decisions and relationship with money?
Shame isn’t a topic that comes up a lot in conversations. By it’s very nature, shame doesn’t want to be seen and definitely doesn’t want to be observed. It thrives in the darkness and abhors the light.
Before we go any further, it’s important to define shame.
What is shame?
Brene Brown has studied shame and vulnerability for decades. She defines shame as:
[T]he intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.
Shame is part of the human experience and something everyone has felt. The problems arise when you begin to identify with your shame, believe that it’s messaging is true, and allow your self-image to diminish. This devaluing process is especially prevelant in money relationships.
Kimberly and I see the impact of shame in our clients’ financial decisions. The limiting beliefs they hold about their ability to generate wealth, the hestitancy of investing because “It’s not for them,” or decision to turn a blind eye toward their finances.
Know that if you struggle with money, there is an undercurrent of shame impacting your relationship.
How to Shine a Light on Shame
Brene Brown says it simply and emphatically:
Shame cannot survive being spoken.
When you feel shame, stop for a moment and step away. Calm yourself and inquire what just happened. This may take several times but eventually you will catch glimmers of connection.
Awareness is always the first step toward change. As you become an observor of your behavior, do a reality check. Ask yourself, “Is this shame story even true?” You may discover that the shame is tied to unrealistic and unfair expectations.
In the video, we also suggest an exercise that we have found helpful with our clients. Instead of telling you about it here, watch the video and write down the instructions.
Summary
Shame cannot exist in the light of awareness. After completing the exercise, find a trusted friend and have a conversation about shame. Make sure the friend understands their job is to listen and provide space for you to talk about shame. There is no room for judgment or solutions.
If you need someone to talk to who understands shame, please reach out to either Kimberly or myself. We are here to help you achieve a healthy relationship with money.
To your prosperity,
Kathryn & Kimberly
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